Hisss
The snake community of India is angry.
It has been heard at the recently concluded annual snake conference that they have contemplated taking legal (or as gossip may have it-'fang'al) action against the makers of Hisss (with three 's'). The charge - of portraying snakes in the worst possible manner in Hindi film history.
And there is enough reason to be angry. Snakes have always enjoyed a special status in Hindi cinema - as snake-snakes or human-snakes. As snake-snakes they have performed many great deeds- from saving God's wealth by causing earthquakes (Zalzala) to protecting God's men when wrongly accused (Jaani Dushman). They have been the saviors of blind mothers (Nirupa Roy in Amar Akbar Anthony), damsels in distress (Jaya Prada in Ganga Jamuna Sarawati) and heroes who have treated them as blood brothers (Jackie Shroff in Doodh ka Karz) - in summary the snake-snake has performed many a miracle on silver screen that make up the bedtime stories mommy snakes tell their slithering babies.
And of course as human-snakes, they have performed box office miracles that many human-humans could not achieve. They have been represented by beauties like Reena Roy and superstar Sridevi. So many a snake got hot blooded when they learnt that the sexy Mallika Sherawat would be shedding her clothes to get into their skin. In fact the lucky python who was chosen to drape around Mallika's assets for the promotions became an instant celebrity in the snake world.....word has it that he is still dazed with the experience and has given up killing mongooses on learning that Mallika is a vegan.
So what went wrong? Looks like everything... sadly!
First - the flimsy storyline (if one may call it a storyline in the first place). An American suffering from brain cancer decides to capture a male snake in India to get to the ‘mani’ of eternal life possessed by the female snake. The female snake changes herself into the sexy Mallika and does come to the city but for reasons unknown decides to become a vigilante prowling the streets killing men who beat/rape women instead of searching for her soul mate. And defying all logic, when she goes for the kill she transforms into a gigantic anaconda/python like snake gobbling people up instead of the slithering serpant she originally was.
One could have forgotten and forgiven the storyline if the search for the baddies and the revenge would have been interesting - like Reena Roy's Nagin where the snake uses wit and cunning to kill her enemies. But in Hisss even a mere attempt to make the revenge a wee bit interesting is missing. The only semblance of this being a thriller is a jaded looking Irfan Khan posing questions while trying to solve the killings by the vigilante snake.
Then comes the horrendous animation that the viewer is subjected to. One had hoped that the human to snake transformations and the human vs snake action scenes would be worth watching. Alas!!! They are comical to say the least. The snake community is hanging its hood in shame that a film in 2010 could have worse animation than Hollywood’s Anaconda made 13 years back (1997) or more recent flicks like Snakes on a plane (2006) or even C grade films like Boa vs Python (2004).
But the biggest mongoose (from the snake community's perspective) of the film is the human snake herself - Mallika Sherawat. All the snakes had hoped that Mallika would give the image of the Bollywood snake a new slither. The promos and pictures promised to show off her beauty. But director Jennifer Chambers Lynch has given very limited opportunity to Mallika to show off her assets (acting and otherwise). Mallika could have done a good job of the revenge seeking 'nagin'....she even tried to convey some anger through her expressive eyes....she looks extremely beautiful in some scenes where she sits with a forlorn expression missing her partner.....but that is almost all she does- except bare her fangs in the most ridiculous of outfits and climb electric poles probably using a naked body double . She did not even have a single dialogue in the whole film- not even in Parseltounge.
The snake movie fans around the world should unite and lynch the director in her own chambers (pun unintended). As far as the snake community goes, insider reports claim that they are conferring with Nagini (who has given a great boost to Indian snakes by being Voldemort's favorite) on how to send arsenic laced chocolates to the Hollywood director.
Till then I would request someone in Bollywood to quickly make a snake film to appease Nagdevta - maybe a Charlie's Angels type of movie where Sapera Vijay sends his nagins- Priyanka, Katrina and Kareena - to hunt down film makers out to give snakes a bad name. The title - 'Naginsss'.
It has been heard at the recently concluded annual snake conference that they have contemplated taking legal (or as gossip may have it-'fang'al) action against the makers of Hisss (with three 's'). The charge - of portraying snakes in the worst possible manner in Hindi film history.
And there is enough reason to be angry. Snakes have always enjoyed a special status in Hindi cinema - as snake-snakes or human-snakes. As snake-snakes they have performed many great deeds- from saving God's wealth by causing earthquakes (Zalzala) to protecting God's men when wrongly accused (Jaani Dushman). They have been the saviors of blind mothers (Nirupa Roy in Amar Akbar Anthony), damsels in distress (Jaya Prada in Ganga Jamuna Sarawati) and heroes who have treated them as blood brothers (Jackie Shroff in Doodh ka Karz) - in summary the snake-snake has performed many a miracle on silver screen that make up the bedtime stories mommy snakes tell their slithering babies.
And of course as human-snakes, they have performed box office miracles that many human-humans could not achieve. They have been represented by beauties like Reena Roy and superstar Sridevi. So many a snake got hot blooded when they learnt that the sexy Mallika Sherawat would be shedding her clothes to get into their skin. In fact the lucky python who was chosen to drape around Mallika's assets for the promotions became an instant celebrity in the snake world.....word has it that he is still dazed with the experience and has given up killing mongooses on learning that Mallika is a vegan.
So what went wrong? Looks like everything... sadly!
First - the flimsy storyline (if one may call it a storyline in the first place). An American suffering from brain cancer decides to capture a male snake in India to get to the ‘mani’ of eternal life possessed by the female snake. The female snake changes herself into the sexy Mallika and does come to the city but for reasons unknown decides to become a vigilante prowling the streets killing men who beat/rape women instead of searching for her soul mate. And defying all logic, when she goes for the kill she transforms into a gigantic anaconda/python like snake gobbling people up instead of the slithering serpant she originally was.
One could have forgotten and forgiven the storyline if the search for the baddies and the revenge would have been interesting - like Reena Roy's Nagin where the snake uses wit and cunning to kill her enemies. But in Hisss even a mere attempt to make the revenge a wee bit interesting is missing. The only semblance of this being a thriller is a jaded looking Irfan Khan posing questions while trying to solve the killings by the vigilante snake.
Then comes the horrendous animation that the viewer is subjected to. One had hoped that the human to snake transformations and the human vs snake action scenes would be worth watching. Alas!!! They are comical to say the least. The snake community is hanging its hood in shame that a film in 2010 could have worse animation than Hollywood’s Anaconda made 13 years back (1997) or more recent flicks like Snakes on a plane (2006) or even C grade films like Boa vs Python (2004).
But the biggest mongoose (from the snake community's perspective) of the film is the human snake herself - Mallika Sherawat. All the snakes had hoped that Mallika would give the image of the Bollywood snake a new slither. The promos and pictures promised to show off her beauty. But director Jennifer Chambers Lynch has given very limited opportunity to Mallika to show off her assets (acting and otherwise). Mallika could have done a good job of the revenge seeking 'nagin'....she even tried to convey some anger through her expressive eyes....she looks extremely beautiful in some scenes where she sits with a forlorn expression missing her partner.....but that is almost all she does- except bare her fangs in the most ridiculous of outfits and climb electric poles probably using a naked body double . She did not even have a single dialogue in the whole film- not even in Parseltounge.
The snake movie fans around the world should unite and lynch the director in her own chambers (pun unintended). As far as the snake community goes, insider reports claim that they are conferring with Nagini (who has given a great boost to Indian snakes by being Voldemort's favorite) on how to send arsenic laced chocolates to the Hollywood director.
Till then I would request someone in Bollywood to quickly make a snake film to appease Nagdevta - maybe a Charlie's Angels type of movie where Sapera Vijay sends his nagins- Priyanka, Katrina and Kareena - to hunt down film makers out to give snakes a bad name. The title - 'Naginsss'.
posted by Raconteur at 4:54 AM
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