Raconteur

Hisss

2010-11-23T04:54:00.000-08:00

The snake community of India is angry.
It has been heard at the recently concluded annual snake conference that they have contemplated taking legal (or as gossip may have it-'fang'al) action against the makers of Hisss (with three 's'). The charge - of portraying snakes in the worst possible manner in Hindi film history.
And there is enough reason to be angry. Snakes have always enjoyed a special status in Hindi cinema - as snake-snakes or human-snakes. As snake-snakes they have performed many great deeds- from saving God's wealth by causing earthquakes (Zalzala) to protecting God's men when wrongly accused (Jaani Dushman). They have been the saviors of blind mothers (Nirupa Roy in Amar Akbar Anthony), damsels in distress (Jaya Prada in Ganga Jamuna Sarawati) and heroes who have treated them as blood brothers (Jackie Shroff in Doodh ka Karz) - in summary the snake-snake has performed many a miracle on silver screen that make up the bedtime stories mommy snakes tell their slithering babies.
And of course as human-snakes, they have performed box office miracles that many human-humans could not achieve. They have been represented by beauties like Reena Roy and superstar Sridevi. So many a snake got hot blooded when they learnt that the sexy Mallika Sherawat would be shedding her clothes to get into their skin. In fact the lucky python who was chosen to drape around Mallika's assets for the promotions became an instant celebrity in the snake world.....word has it that he is still dazed with the experience and has given up killing mongooses on learning that Mallika is a vegan.
So what went wrong? Looks like everything... sadly!
First - the flimsy storyline (if one may call it a storyline in the first place). An American suffering from brain cancer decides to capture a male snake in India to get to the ‘mani’ of eternal life possessed by the female snake. The female snake changes herself into the sexy Mallika and does come to the city but for reasons unknown decides to become a vigilante prowling the streets killing men who beat/rape women instead of searching for her soul mate. And defying all logic, when she goes for the kill she transforms into a gigantic anaconda/python like snake gobbling people up instead of the slithering serpant she originally was.
One could have forgotten and forgiven the storyline if the search for the baddies and the revenge would have been interesting - like Reena Roy's Nagin where the snake uses wit and cunning to kill her enemies. But in Hisss even a mere attempt to make the revenge a wee bit interesting is missing. The only semblance of this being a thriller is a jaded looking Irfan Khan posing questions while trying to solve the killings by the vigilante snake.
Then comes the horrendous animation that the viewer is subjected to. One had hoped that the human to snake transformations and the human vs snake action scenes would be worth watching. Alas!!! They are comical to say the least. The snake community is hanging its hood in shame that a film in 2010 could have worse animation than Hollywood’s Anaconda made 13 years back (1997) or more recent flicks like Snakes on a plane (2006) or even C grade films like Boa vs Python (2004).
But the biggest mongoose (from the snake community's perspective) of the film is the human snake herself - Mallika Sherawat. All the snakes had hoped that Mallika would give the image of the Bollywood snake a new slither. The promos and pictures promised to show off her beauty. But director Jennifer Chambers Lynch has given very limited opportunity to Mallika to show off her assets (acting and otherwise). Mallika could have done a good job of the revenge seeking 'nagin'....she even tried to convey some anger through her expressive eyes....she looks extremely beautiful in some scenes where she sits with a forlorn expression missing her partner.....but that is almost all she does- except bare her fangs in the most ridiculous of outfits and climb electric poles probably using a naked body double . She did not even have a single dialogue in the whole film- not even in Parseltounge.
The snake movie fans around the world should unite and lynch the director in her own chambers (pun unintended). As far as the snake community goes, insider reports claim that they are conferring with Nagini (who has given a great boost to Indian snakes by being Voldemort's favorite) on how to send arsenic laced chocolates to Hollywood.
Till then I would request someone in Bollywood to quickly make a snake film to appease Nagdevta - maybe a Charlie's Angels type of movie where Sapera Vijay sends his nagins- Priyanka, Katrina and Kareena - to hunt down film makers out to give snakes a bad name. The title - 'Naginsss'.

Accessory to Murder

2008-03-14T06:05:00.000-07:00

Ever since I wrote my previous post on Best Bond Villains, I have been thinking that a tribute to these masters of villainy is incomplete without a mention of their henchmen (and women) who – more than their bosses – had come very close to finishing Mr. Bond off.

Here’s my Top 5.

1. Jaws
• Film: The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker
• Ferocity: Steel Teeth
• Employer : Dr. Karl Stromberg and Hugo Drax
• Status: Unknown. Turns over a new leaf when he finds love and helps Bond escape
• Actor: Richard Kiel
*only villain to have been repeated in a Bond series apart from Blofeld

2. Odd Job
• Film: Goldfinger
• Ferocity: Steel rimmed bowler hat
• Employer: Goldfinger
• Status: Dead. Electrocuted by Bond
• Actor: Harold Sakata

3. Red Grant
• Film: From Russia With Love
• Ferocity: Watch with razor
• Employer: S.M.E.R.S.H.
• Status: Dead. Strangled by Bond
• Actor: Robert Shaw

4. May Day
• Film: View to a Kill
• Ferocity: Strength and Cunning
• Employer : Max Zorin
• Status: Presumed dead. Gives up her own life to save Bond when betrayed by Zorin
• Actor: Grace Jones

5. Xenia Onatopp
• Film: Golden Eye
• Ferocity: Sadist….derives sexual pleasure by killing
• Employer: Soviet military/Janus
• Status: Dead. Crushed to death while fighting Bond
• Actor: Famke Janssen

Special Mention: Fatima Blush in Never Say Never Again (could not be ranked as it is not a EON production) would perhaps rank right after Jaws in terms of ferocity. Employed by Largo, Barbara Carrera, has essayed the role of this sadist assassin to perfection. Unlike other women villains of the pre 90 Bond films (Pussy Galore, May Day, Octopussy) she remains evil till the very end and is the only woman to have been killed by Bond’s own hands (by a pen that doubles up as a gun) – till Elektra King’s death(Xenatopp was killed indirectly by Bond).

She remains the only Bond woman (villain or otherwise) who demanded a written acknowledgement of being Bond’s best lover……..to which Bond quips “I just remembered. It’s against Service policy to give endorsements.”

N.B.- Xenia Onatopp in Golden Eye was modeled in the same lines as her.

But before I end this post , here’s a list of five henchmen whose roles had a lot of potential but were not exploited well:
• Nick Nack (The Man with the Golden Gun) – lovable dwarf valet of Scaramanga.
• Tee Hee (Live and Let Die) – Hit man of Mr. Big…. with a steel hook for an arm and a menacing smile.
• Mr. Kid and Mr. Wint (Diamonds are Forever) – perhaps the most under-utilized of all henchmen. They do nothing much beyond talking to each other in a dull monotone.
• Necros (The Living Daylights) – KGB assassin with the body of a Greek God and headphone wires as a weapon (modeled after Red Grant)
• Dario (License to Kill) – (young) Benocio Del Toro’s talents completely wasted.

The Best Bond Villains

2008-03-14T04:31:00.000-07:00

Ever since Dr. No tried to eliminate 007 in 1962, an array of megalomaniacs, terrorists, smugglers, drug runners, gun runners and Russian agents have attempted to kill the world’s most famous spy.

As any true Bond fan will tell you, no Bond film is complete without exotic locales, gorgeous women and villains with grandiose plans of destroying the world.

Critics have often called Bond villains extremely stupid because they think of fantastical ways to kill Bond rather than a simple bullet in the head (Tarantula, Snake, Shark, Alligators, Golden beam.....the list can go on). But the enemies of Bond, like Bond himself, are not mere mortals.....they are people who think of creating a new world order....they blackmail super powers with nuclear bombs....they build headquarters under the sea and in space....such fantastical people surely cannot be expected to use something as base as a gun to finish their arch rival off.

Come to think of it, it is an extremely difficult and frustrating task to be a Bond villain. No matter how meticulous the planning or how careful the execution,he would always fail – because he has not accounted for that one element that is sure to jeopardize his plan – Bond himself.

The frustration of Bond villains has perhaps been best voiced by Goldfinger…..

Bond: “You expect me to talk....”
Goldfinger: “No Mr. Bond....I expect you to die!”

Every Bond villain has tried to re-write the definition of evil. From murderous KGB agents to the all powerful S.P.E.C.T.R.E……..from megalomaniac billionaires to power hungry seductresses, the passage of time has produced a wide spectrum of worthwhile adversaries for Bond. Listed below are my top 5.

1. Dr. Karl Stromberg
• Film: The Spy Who Loved Me
• Profession: Marine Biologist
• Ambition: Destroy the world to create a new one beneath the sea
• Nemesis: Shot by Bond
• Actor: Kurt Jurgens

2. Auric Goldfinger
• Film: Goldfinger
• Profession: Jeweller (and gold smuggler)
• Ambition: Destroy US Gold reserves in Fort Knox to increase value of own
gold holding
• Nemesis: Sucked out of a plane while attempting to kill Bond
• Actor: Gert Frobe

3.Francisco Scaramanga
• Film: The Man With The Golden Gun
• Profession: Professional Assassin
• Ambition: In possession of a solar powered gun that he would sell to the
highest bidder
• Nemesis: Shot by Bond
• Actor: Christopher Lee

4. Kamal Khan and General Orlov (shared)
• Film: Octopussy
• Profession: Smuggler, Russian General
• Ambition: World disorder by detonating nuclear bomb at an American air force
base in West Germany
• Nemesis: Khan crashes his plan and Orlov is shot by Russian troops – neither
is killed by Bond
• Actor(s): Louis Jourdan, Steven Berkoff

5. Max Zorin
• Film: View To A Kill
• Profession: Owner of Zorin Industries
• Ambition: Destruction of Silicon Valley to sell own brand of silicon chips
• Nemesis: Falls down Golden Gate bridge while fighting Bond
• Actor: Christopher Walken

Special Mention: Maximillian Largo in Never Say Never Again (not a EON production and hence not listed above) would perhaps rank as the number one Bond villain. Played by Klaus Maria Brandauer, in Largo we see a character who has both evil and class with a dash of craziness making him the scariest of all Bond villains. He meets his end at the hands of his mistress, Domino, who kills him with a harpoon.

Data Processing by our Brain

2006-06-17T02:59:00.000-07:00

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy:

it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Corporate Strategy

2006-06-17T02:54:00.000-07:00

Due to the Current financial situation, our Management has decided to
implement a scheme to put all workers over 30 on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Personnel Early).
Personnel selected for RAPE can apply to our Management to be eligible
for the SHAFT scheme(Special Help After Retirement). Personnel who
have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme
(Scheme for Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED Only once,
SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems
appropriate.

Personnel who have been RAPED can apply to the Vice President (Works)
to get AIDS (Additional Income for Disposed Personnel or Spouse) or
HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously, personnel who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or
SCREWED any further by management.

Person staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity
Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the
amount of SHIT it gives its staff. Should you feel that you do not
receive enough SHIT, please bring it to the attention of your manager.
He has been trained to give you as much SHIT as you can handle.

- Vice President (also Head, RAPE)

A few Quotable Quotes

2006-06-17T02:50:00.000-07:00

Plan Your Work so that you can Work Your Plan

Failing to Plan is Planning to Fail

The Art of Getting Things Done is to Know what Cannot be Done

The art of time management is to successfully tackle the Challenge of A Critical Few and the Trivial Many

Big People make you Feel Small but Great People make you Feel Tall

Best Ever Google Ad?

2006-06-17T02:47:00.000-07:00

Ties of Blood

2006-02-11T01:23:00.000-08:00

Sorry Mr. Santoshi, your Family disappoints….especially becoz this is the Khaki team again - Keshu, Sanotshi, AB and Akki.

This is undoubtedly Santoshi’s worst film. Though there are some elements in the plot that are good, on the whole the film fails to grip. The differences in the ‘love for the family’ of the two lead characters are just about ok. The idea of an innocent man getting killed in the crossfire of a gang war is also a little though provoking. But what could have been a taut thriller ends up in a whimper. The last police station sequence is the only saving grace but it comes too late and does too little.

There is nothing new in this film-all the characters have been seen countless number of times in scores of gangster movies. Bachchan’s attempt to act sinister falls flat on its face – his nasal tone and continuous cigar smoking is highly irritating.

Keshu’s son gets a brilliant platform to launch himself and does a decent job – his eyes are his assets and if this young man hones his acting skills then we could have a good actor in the making.

But the surprise element in this movie is Akshay Kumar and Bhumika. The scenes between them are ‘total paisa vasool’. AK always had good roles in Keshu’s films and has been largely responsible for the latter’s success…and with this film he again proves that he has still lots to give to the Indian film audience. Even in Khaki it was his comic touch that had given his role an edge; and with this film he proves that Hera Pheri and Mujhse Shadi Karoge were not flukes.

Just one last word – Ms. Bhumika Chawla – why do we not see you more often? You are just too good. Guys….just check out her ‘hospital scene with AB’. Brilliant.

‘Ak- sar –dard’

2006-02-11T01:14:00.000-08:00

Aksar jab ek actor flop hota hai to woh director banne ki kaushish karta hain

Aksar jab ek model apni acchi career ki waat lagana chahta hain to woh actor banne ki kaushish karta hain

Aksar jab ek wannabe actor acting se zyada kiss karne ke liye famous ho jata hain to woh skin flicks ka superstar banne ki kaushish karta hain

Aksar jab ek wannabe actress enough skin dikhane ke baad bhi recognized nahi hothi hain to woh aur skin dikhane ki kaushish karti hain

Aksar jab ek struggling writer ka daaru aur plot khatam ho jaata hai to woh aisi story…sorry..bakwas likhne ki kaushish karta hain

Aksar jab ek ache singer ka ek nasal tone me gaya gana hit hota hain to who har gana waise hi gaakar irritating banne ki kaushish karta hain

Aur jab ek audience zindagi se mayoos hota hain to who suicide karne ke liye aisi film dekhta hain

Par aksar aisi film dekhne ke baad who marta to nahin hain par ak-sar-dard lekar ghar wapis jata hain.

This film is highly recommended as a painless form of suicide.

Worms in the Chocolate

2006-02-11T01:09:00.000-08:00

If Mr. Ugly would have seen Mr. Agnihotri’s version of The Usual Suspects he would surely have said “if you want to copy …copy…do not add your own”.

Well Mr. Agnihotri, even if one can try to sympathize with your attempt to Indianize Bryan Singer’s wonderful thriller, one cannot. Because “stylish editing do not a movie make”...it is the art of story telling that creates the magic.

Chocolate fails in almost every department. The script is pathetic; the acting atrocious, the attempt to create a mystery is feeble and the tautness associated with thrillers is completely missing.

Anil Kapoor is the ‘tar icing on this stale cake’...hamming and laughing like a lunatic throughout the film.

The two actresses seem to be in ‘I can show more cleavage than you’ mode complete with Ms.Reddy tearing her shirt open and screaming "main bhi doosri ladkiyon ki tarah bra pahanti hoon" - could you not think of anything better Mr.Agnihotri?

The only saving grace is Irfaan- one only prays that his unique style of acting just does not become a monotony ala Nana Patekar.

My advise- if Chocolate is what you want please reach out for a Cadbury…coz this one is surely full of worms.

Undeniable Proof of Global Warming

2005-12-03T00:36:00.000-08:00

A Brief History of Lovers

2005-12-03T00:34:00.000-08:00

The Horse Race

2005-11-02T21:45:00.000-08:00

The Line up:

In lane 1. Passionate Lady
In lane 2. Bare Belly
In lane 3. Silk Panties
In lane 4. Conscience
In lane 5. Jockey Shorts
In lane 6. Clean Sheets
In lane 7. Thighs
In lane 8. Big Dick
In lane 9. Heavy Bosom
In lane 10. Merry Cherry

AND THEY'RE OFF!!!

Conscience is left behind at the gate
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry
Heavy Bosom is being pressured
Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs
and Big Dick is in a dangerous spot.

AT THE HALFWAY MARK:
It's Bare Belly on top, Thighs open and
Big Dick is pushing in
Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets
Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Dick

AT THE STRETCH:
Merry Cherry pops under the strain
Bare Belly is making a final push
Big Dick is in and Passionate Lady is coming

AT THE FINISH:
It's Big Dick giving everything he's got and
Passionate Lady takes everything Big Dick has to offer
It looks like a dead heat but Big Dick comes
through with one final thrust and wins by a head...
Bare Belly slows,
Thighs weakens,
Heavy Bosom pulls up,
and Clean Sheets never had a chance

Note: Not original. Collated from an email

It Rained That Day

2005-11-02T07:31:00.000-08:00

The smell of fresh earth hit me as soon as I stepped onto my balcony that morning.

It was raining after a prolonged period of hot and humid weather and I pulled my chair closer to the railing to enjoy the raindrops with my morning brew. Rainy days always hold a special corner in my heart as they have the power to stir my creative soul and take my mind to un-explored horizons.

I had almost reached the boundaries of space when my reverie was suddenly broken by a (feminine) "excuse me please".

It was her.

I had seen her several times in her flat right across mine. Many a time we had exchanged coy smiles but never had we spoken to each other. I would often see her drive off on her scooter balancing a huge pile of books and wondered where she went- College? Tuition? Library? Sometimes in the evenings I would see her sneaking out of her house to speak on her cell phone? A heartthrob? College Gossip? I had always wanted to speak to her but never could pluck up enough courage to do so.

And here she was, today, calling out to me.

"It's my Scooty. Could you please park it inside the garage for me?"

The Quixote in me immediately responded to the damsel in distress. Not caring for the heavy downpour I rushed to her scooter’s rescue. At last I had the chance of getting introduced to her...of talking to her …..of knowing her better. And who knows, maybe she would call me in for a cup of coffee - after all I was the rescuer of her beloved scooty. My imagination -already on overdrive thanks to the rain- started playing all the romantic rain scenes from Hollywood and Bollywood in '70mm cinemascope digital dolby'.

I parked her scooter safely and extended my arm to return the keys. Her fingers brushed against mine and I looked into her rain splattered face. Her innocent eyes and coy smile took away both my breath and the lines of introduction that I had thought of in the interim.

She brushed aside her hair, smiled and said "Thank You Bhaiyya".

CRASH!!!

At first I thought it was the scooter.... but soon realized that it was me falling flat on terra firma.

I retreated to my verandah with a weak "Anytime".

I went back to my (now cold) cup of coffee and mind travel.....sigh!!! One more love story that got nipped in the bud.

And yes...It Rained(heavily)That Day.

"No Ice Cream Sir"

2005-10-31T05:25:00.000-08:00

Groggy after a 50 hour week I decided to spend the Saturday evening at Barista with a cup of strong coffee.

When I finally managed to get a table at the overcrowded coffee shop, I noticed a friend also looking for a seat. I called him over and decided to share our stressful work life woes.

I ordered a 'normal' coffee for myself and an ice cream for my friend to the smiling man at the counter who dutifully called my name out in 15 minutes.

I walked upto the counter to take my order and to my horror found a cup of cold coffee with ice-cream in it!!!

I pointed this out to the (still smiling) man at the counter. He apologized profusely and promised me a solution in two minutes. He poured the coffee and the ice-cream into a mixer and switched the machine on. Before I could protest, the machine had done its job and the man poured the concoction back into the cup and gave it back to me with a smile - "No Ice Cream Sir".

I did not know how to react.

A Short Love Story

2005-10-29T03:03:00.000-07:00

It was just another day that started innocuously.

After another grueling day at work I decided to do some window shopping following it with a quick bite of momos. Little did I know then that this would be a day I would always remember for reasons more than one.

The momos done, I was walking back to the car when I suddenly heard someone shout my name. I stopped - and so did time.

It was 'S'....for whom I had a soft corner way back in my first organization. She was as beautiful as ever- complete with those lovely eyes and bright smile that used to give me the inspiration of battling another day. All my co-workers used to tease me about her and many of her close friends had told me that she had a soft corner for me. But neither of us ever spoke about it and just moved on in life - me to another job and she to an MBA.

And here we were suddenly meeting each other on a crowded street after 3 years and not knowing what to talk about.

She was with her mother and being in a hurry gave me her telephone number and asked me to "definitely call her".

I was in a daze - life was giving me another chance.

The next few hours were spent looking at the watch and wondering when I should call. I decided against showing an overdose of enthusiasm and to call only after a few days had gone by.

I was restless the whole week wondering what to talk about when I called. I spent hours thinking of smart lines, writing them down and canceling them out as clichéd. Finally after about a week,still unable to come up with a single original pick-up line,I decided to call her come what may.

With my heart beating faster than a 100m athlete (running towards the finishing line with anabolic steroids) I dialed her number.

She let out a scream on hearing my name....my heart did a somersault of sorts and I blurted out a boring apology of being swamped with work and not being able to call earlier.

"Oh but why didn't you", said S,"I so much wanted to call you for my wedding last week."

The phone call ended pretty soon with me making muted promises of keeping in touch.

I am yet to call again.

Amar-Akbar-Anthony - Where are you?

2005-09-10T06:05:00.000-07:00

The other day I was watching AAA - MKD's cult film that brought the 'lost& found storylines' and AB to the fore.

The Mumbai chawl - where both Akbar and Anthony live in perfect harmony with all the Amars....a church and a mosque surviving side by side....a one for all and all for one society - Utopia?

Actually no....I was talking to some older folk in Mumbai and they told me that such a world did exist in the chawls of Mumbai. But no one knows when and how the politics of hate destroyed it all.

Can a film now happen in these lines anymore? Will we ever again see an Anthony organize an Akbar's marriage? Will we ever see an Amar (a police officer)giving blood to an unknown accident victim? Will we ever again see a Amar Akbar and Anthony singing together?

If it is an anhonee then I would pray that ek jagah par jama hokar AAA is anhonee ko honee kar de.

Amar,Akbar,Anthony - we need you.

'Sar -father'

2005-09-10T00:16:00.000-07:00

Ramu's obsession with the underworld continues.

Sarkar - the latest Mafia flick from the RGV stable is a job well done. Controlled acting, a focused script and a light and shade canvas in most frames makes the film watchable.

But Sarkar is old wine in new bottle. Nothing in this film is 'new'.... from the aggrieved father whose daughter has been raped to a hot headed elder brother, from a younger son who comes in from the 'outside'(complete with a girlfriend in tow) to the 'family chosen' girl who would 'patiently wait', from the hospital sequence to 'the godfather refusing a business opportunity' - nothing is new in the film.

In almost all films made in the lines of the Godfather, we have seen these scenes in some form - Dharmatma, Agneepath, Aatank Hi Aatank (an unknown Aamir Khan film),Zulm Ki Hukumat (an unknown Govinda film),Virasat....the list goes on.

On the acting front, the small B at last gets a role that utilizes his strong & silent acting style. I would even go ahead and commit the heresy of stating that in this film the chote miyan has overshadowed the bade miyan.

Apart from Abhishek, KK once again delivers a powerhouse performance. I think he is one of the best finds of recent times - Deewar, HKA and now Sarkar - he is one actor to watch out for.

The good part of Sarkar is the way in which the director has handled the same story - no glorification, an understated acting style and the use of music.

I think the treatment of the film makes it different from the rest of the films mentioned above - whether it is the scene where Abhishek watches the villain die, or the way in which he talks of him having killed his brother - it is the natural narrative style that makes this film watchable.

The icing on the cake is the last scene - good show!!!

Shock and Awe

2005-07-20T01:21:00.000-07:00

Congrats Mr.Bush - you have done it again. You have been managing to shock and awe the world right from your first victory to your second and beyond.

The religion of hate that you have spread to divide the world is really getting stronger by the day.Your policy of war is indeed helping 'terrorists' brainwash more and more 'innocent' youths into becoming suicide bombers. But am sure that this does not shock and awe you?

Did you (and your ever faithful sidekick Mr. Blair) ever pause to think why four young boys with bright futures turned suicide bombers on7/7? Do you ever take time off from delivering your mundane speeches to think about the hate crimes your policies are resulting in? Well, for your information, the families affected by your policy of hatred are certainly in shock and awe - muslim and non-muslim alike.

The 'crimes' being committed in Abu Gharib,in the Gaza and elsewhere in Iraq are only helping create more jehadis across the world to take revenge.The deep divide among U.S./U.K. non-muslims and muslims that you are creating is only making the world a worse off place to live in - does that shock and awe you?

Do you ever pause to think that a bullet fired always gets re-born-as a return bullet? Or is the philosophy of non-violence too 'shocking' for you?

What shocks and awes me is the mute way in which the international community is watching you break up the world,watching you create an atmosphere of hate...not too mention your double standards in recognizing and fighting terrorism.

Well Mr. Bush - you indeed manage to shock and awe.

The Darth Lord

2005-05-28T06:08:00.000-07:00

"The Transformation is complete"....and with these ominous words we see the birth of Darth Vader- and even after so many years it sends a chill down the spine.

The Revenge of the Sith - the last and latest prequel from the Lucas stable once again takes you on a journey a long time ago in a galaxy far far away. The same characters, flashing light sabres, the unbeatable Jedis, 'out of the world' backdrops and of course the anticipation of how and why the talented Annakin becomes Darth Vader - what does one want more?

Yet the film does not quite match up to the expectations. Several reasons for it - a lacking script, a 45 minute movie stretched to 2 hours, no 'real' reason for the transformation, no dynamic Han Solo, too many light sabre fights and a Annakin Skywalker whose computer generated light sabre emotes better.

Which is why perhaps the last 30 mins of the film is when you wake up and feel your pulse racing.

Definitely watch it for going down memory lane -the mystery behind Darth Vader, the birth of Luke and Leia , Jedi master Yoda's self imposed exile (and therefore the swamp adventures of TESB) and of course the irresistable pair of R2-D2 and C-3PO.

This film will not draw you back to the theatre for a second watch but would definitely make you reach out for the original.

May the Force be with us all SW fans.

The Eyes Have It

2005-05-23T22:33:00.000-07:00

2 and a half hours of darkness, Urmila’s screeches, a frustrating wish of increasing the film’s pace…no man could survive it…I DID !!!

Naina – the recently released horror (?) flick is a decent, no nonsense watch that tries a little too hard to intrigue. The story revolves around Naina (Urmila Matondkar looking fresh after Bhoot) who starts “seeing dead people” after an eye transplant.

But somewhere the director gets confused as to whether she should see ‘dead’ people or ‘about to be dead’ people. The result – a mixture of scenes from The Sixth Sense and The Dreamcatcher. And all this because the eyes she got originally belonged to a woman who could foresee death.

The film obviously rests on Urmila’s histrionic prowess who proves that she can deliver even beyond the Verma stable. Technically the film is sleek with one of the best computer generated images that one has seen in Bollywood movies. Full marks to I Dreams who have consistently used technology in their movies – remember 16th December and Jajantaram Mamantaram? A pat on the back is also recommended to the entire team for attempting this no song-dance film with a story not seen before in Hindi Cinema.

But where the film fails is in its predictable scenes, a not so taut script and a complete lack of pace. Even the climax of the film fails to deliver because of this forced effort to keep the ‘mystery’ from unraveling.

But perhaps the biggest element lacking in the film is that one does not feel the trauma of either Naina or Jhini – people who can foresee the death of innocent people and are unable to do anything about it. Remember little Cole Sear with his sixth sense - and how you could feel his pain? Well, that’s where Naina fails to impress.

Last but not the least- can someone tell me that how does the eyes of an unclaimed dead body travel to a posh hospital abroad from an understaffed hospital in an obscure Gujrati village? Are there not enough blind people in the country?

It's Black!!!

2005-05-21T04:43:00.000-07:00

Sitting in the theatre watching Black and hearing women sobbing (and men trying not to) left me wondering whether I was the only hard hearted brute around.

Well, the people's verdict's out - Black is "Oscar material". No doubt that it is a well made film with high standards of film making in every department. Yet when the film ended, there was a big void in me that yearned to get filled. No, I am not going to compare Black with Sparsh.....I am not going to compare Shah's sensitive performance to Rani's histrionics....I am not going to compare a low budget,straight from the heart film to technical gloss.....my issues with Black are more fundamental (and personal) in nature.

a> The focus of the film is more towards the teacher than the student. The perpective should have been on how a physically challenged person got through her disabilities. The film only touches briefly (read very very briefly) on the character's 'fight to self-dependance'.

b> The film leaves you with a feeling of sadness rather than hope. One feels "so very sad for these blind people" - I would have wanted to leave the theatre with a feeling of "the human spirit can overcome all odds". The film should have been a celebration of the un-dying human spirit rather than a heart wrenching tearjerker. The film should have filled one with a sense of truimph rather than grief.
And that's what a Forrest Gump or a My Left Foot or a Seabiscuit or a Men of Honor does - it does not make you feel sad for the disabled character....it shows you that they are equal to all.

Think about it.

Lastly, one just wonders on the use of English throughout the film.....do Indian films now need to be made in English to have a chance at the Oscars? Is the new trend 'let's make an oscar movie'?